THE QUESTION

The Question That Changed Everything

People sometimes assume Ask One More Question came from one dramatic moment in my prostate cancer journey.

It really didn’t.

There wasn’t one appointment where I suddenly discovered the perfect question. There wasn’t one doctor, one test result, or one conversation that created the phrase.

It grew out of something I kept experiencing over and over again.

Every time I thought I understood what was happening, another question appeared.

What does this number mean?

What happens if we wait?

What are the alternatives?

What isn’t this test showing us?

What would change your recommendation?

What happens next?

And eventually, perhaps the most important question of all:

What question should I be asking that I haven’t asked yet?

One Piece of Information Is Not the Whole Story

My cancer journey repeatedly taught me that one piece of information rarely tells the entire story.

Before surgery, my imaging appeared reassuring.

Then surgery gave us another piece of information.

The final pathology showed aggressive prostate cancer that had extended beyond the prostate and reached a lymph node.

The imaging wasn’t meaningless.

The pathology didn’t somehow make the imaging worthless.

They were different pieces of information gathered in different ways.

But if I had allowed myself to believe that the first piece of information was the entire picture, I would have misunderstood the reality of my own disease.

That experience changed the way I approached my healthcare.

Questions Are Not a Challenge to Your Doctor

Early in this journey, there were moments when I worried that asking too many questions might make me look difficult.

I think a lot of patients feel that way.

We are sitting across from people who have spent years studying medicine. They understand terminology we may have never heard before. They read scans, pathology reports, lab results, and research every day.

It can be intimidating.

But I eventually stopped thinking about questions as a challenge to the person treating me.

I started thinking about them as part of the partnership.

There is an important distinction here:

Doctors spend their careers learning how to diagnose and treat disease.

I am grateful for that expertise.

But I also came to believe that I had a responsibility to understand enough about my own situation to participate meaningfully in the decisions being made about my care.

Those two ideas are not in conflict.

In my experience, they work better together.

You Don’t Have to Become an Oncologist

Patient advocacy does not mean earning a medical degree from Google.

You don’t have to understand every study.

You don’t have to know every treatment option before you walk into the room.

You don’t have to speak the language of medicine as fluently as the people treating you.

But you should feel comfortable saying:

• I don’t understand that. Can you explain it differently?
• What does that result mean for me?
• What are my other options?
• What are the advantages and disadvantages of those options?
• What would change your recommendation?
• Is there another test that could give us more information?
• What happens if we wait?
• What happens if we act now?
• Can you explain that one more time?

And when you think the conversation is finished:

Is there something I should be asking that I haven’t asked?

That last question can be incredibly valuable because we don’t always know what we don’t know.

The Question Behind the Question

One thing I have learned is that sometimes the first question isn’t really the question we need answered.

Imagine being told:

“Your scan looks good.”

That sounds reassuring.

But there may be another question:

What can this scan see well — and what can it miss?

Or perhaps you hear:

“Your number is within the normal range.”

Another question might be:

Is the number itself what matters most, or does the change over time matter too?

Or someone recommends a treatment.

Instead of asking only:

“Will this work?”

There may be several more useful questions:

• What is the goal of this treatment?
• What are we trying to prevent?
• What information led you to this recommendation?
• What are the alternatives?
• What would make us change course?

Sometimes the value is not in asking a completely different question.

It is in going one layer deeper.

Understanding Is Different From Simply Hearing

Medical appointments can move quickly.

A doctor may explain something clearly, and I may still walk out of the room realizing I only understood half of it.

That doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong.

Cancer brings a lot of information with it.

New terminology. Numbers. Risk. Treatment options. Side effects. Statistics. Decisions.

And all of that arrives while you are also trying to process the fact that you have cancer.

Sometimes the most useful question isn’t complicated at all:

Can you explain that to me one more time?

I have learned there is no prize for pretending I understand something I don’t.

If the decision affects my body, my treatment, or my future, I want to understand what I am agreeing to as well as I reasonably can.

Questions Can Change as the Information Changes

Another lesson from this journey is that the right question today may not be the right question three months from now.

New information changes things.

A test result changes.

Pathology adds information.

A treatment response gives you another piece of the picture.

Something unexpected happens.

That doesn’t necessarily mean the earlier question was wrong.

It means the situation changed.

And when the situation changes, I believe the questions should change with it.

Questions Give You Some of Your Power Back

Cancer can make you feel powerless.

It can feel as though things are simply happening to you.

Appointments get scheduled.

Tests get ordered.

Results appear in a portal.

Treatments are discussed.

Decisions arrive faster than you feel ready to make them.

Asking questions doesn’t give you control over cancer.

I wish it did.

It doesn’t guarantee the answer you want either.

Sometimes the answer to a good question is difficult.

Sometimes it creates another question.

Sometimes it confirms something you hoped wasn’t true.

But an informed decision feels very different from a passive one.

Questions gave me a way to participate.

And participation gave me back at least some sense of agency in a situation that had taken a lot of it away.

Five Questions Worth Taking With You

Every situation is different, but if I were walking into an important medical appointment today, these are five questions I would want somewhere in my notes:

1. What exactly does this result mean for my specific situation?

2. What information are we basing this recommendation on?

3. What other reasonable options should I understand before deciding?

4. What would cause you to change this plan?

5. What question should I be asking that I haven’t asked yet?

None of those questions tells your doctor how to practice medicine.

They simply help you understand how the pieces fit together.

Ask One More Question Became Bigger Than a Phrase

Somewhere along the way, Ask One More Question stopped being something I simply reminded myself to do.

It became part of what Jonesing For The Journey is about.

A mindset.

A habit.

A way of approaching uncertainty.

It doesn’t mean assuming everyone else is wrong.

It doesn’t mean distrusting doctors.

It doesn’t mean searching until someone finally gives you the answer you wanted to hear.

It means staying engaged.

It means understanding the information in front of you.

It means recognizing when one piece of information may not be the entire picture.

And it means being willing to say:

Before we decide, I have one more question.

What I Hope You Take From This Mile Marker

If there is one thing I hope someone takes from my experience, it is this:

You do not have to be a medical expert to be an active participant in your own healthcare.

You are allowed to ask for clarification.

You are allowed to take notes.

You are allowed to ask about alternatives.

You are allowed to say you need more time to understand something.

You are allowed to ask why.

And when something important is being decided, you are allowed to ask one more question.

Because sometimes one additional question doesn’t simply give you another answer.

Sometimes it changes the road ahead.

And So…The Adventure Continues.